Your lips, they beg for me to get you alone.

There are certain songs on my music player that I tend to skip whenever they play. Somehow they used to grate on my ear, but tonight these played and I let them play to the end.





Especially this We Shot The Moon song. I used to find it very irritating, but I feel the peace in it now. :)

This won't mean anything tonight.

Sometimes. I get so overcome with emotion. My face is still and blank. But my fingers shake and sweat. And I am completely silent. But my wet breathing gives it away that I am crying.

Mitternacht Zwanzig (Minuten mit dir)

Day 20 – Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Thought I'd blog something today and remembered this series I meant to finish, and I'm now at day 20 and ohai what a nice coincidence.

I burst out laughing. With joy of course. Do you know you have this (same) expression on your face every time we part? Recently I've taken to looking at you when you part from me, and I've noticed this :)

[Update: What I've blogged doesn't seem to meet the post requirements.]

the moment I met you paved the way to missing you.

There are a lot of things I don't need, and don't want too. A fact about me that few people have realised is that I can be incredibly embarassed by elaborate displays of affection. I love surprises, but surprises don't have to be so elaborate. I understand that some people enjoy doing this, and I'm not hating on it at all. It adds to the health of the relationship if you have strong memories to cling on to.

I guess, I just prefer the time he'd spend on thinking up stuff like this to be time we spend together instead. I'm getting better at coping with parting, but it hurts the same, maybe even more as time passes*. I think (I think! I think!) it gets easier to cope with this because I'm becoming more secure in this relationship. :)

*According to the refined point of view in metaphysics, time does not pass.

I am... enjoying this experience. How could I even begin to describe it? I like the little things. And what about this exactly that I am not used to - is the element of reality. I appreciate this, among other things that I value about this. There's no way to describe what you do to me. You just do to me, what you do. :) I like how spontaneous and just so intrinsically myself I am when we're together. You know what I'm thinking of? When I finished your thought about whether it'd be faster to take a certain route, and I then vehemently acquisced and kissed you ferociously twice on the cheek. And I was already thinking of writing in German. :)

Oh Liebchen, du bist echt mein Schatz. ♥

there is still someone in my life who knows why I am the way I am, and for this I am deeply thankful ;)

Because he was there, the only person who knew everything. Every mundane thing I'd tell him over the course of a day, a month, a year, four years. He was my witness. He made sense of the fucked-up mess I'd become every now and then. Then, I could at least look at him and think, here is someone who knows why I am the way I am.

This is why I cannot sleep properly. This is why I keep regressing to the richness of history when I see blankness in the future.

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I can't find the first "he does this" I wrote, which was on my Facebook wall. Somehow, timeline doesn't keep everything, just some key ones. But if I recall rightly, it was this:

He does this: inform me of everything - the mundane, the inconsequential, the random, the unimportant. I pretend this annoys me.

I've tweeted several now, but I can't remember all, so here's another one to add to the list.

He does this: send me a Wiki link instead of explaining it in his own words. He's better now in that he tries to explain first but he still sends a link anyway.

This is not the only occasion I find to tweet about him.

But it surprises me how much of what we've said years ago that I still remember. Has it really been years? I think a problem I have is reconciling with the fact that we're no longer 17. I have more excuses now and you have more patience. What I remember is this: you want your close friends to write a book about you, each person a chapter. I'm not sure it works like that. What if some people sneak in and out? Then it doesn't make sense to move on from one chapter to another. It doesn't flow like that. Can I be the 140-character comment at the bottom of some pages? That makes more sense to me.

He does this: try to help me even when he knows I might not listen.

Such faith.

wrote this in the train:

Feels like yesterday got passed by in a moment. Time spent with friends is always wholesome, and I feel great afterwards. But less than half an hour with him and it feels like everything I have ever experienced in my life boils down to that one moment in time when we part ways. It feels like ripping. And I force myself to move to my side of the platform, alone. And I don't look back. And I hang my head and I tell myself that acting like I don't want to look back will make me care less. Hardly.

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And then I went home, did my homework, and started philosophising with Jem. And I think I've gotten round the problem of there not being any inter-varsity delivery service. Have also thought more clearly about the present I'd give, during lecture today. Damn. I think I zoned out more in today's lecture than I have ever did in the past three sems.




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Brb. Am melting on the floor. And am making melt angels. *_*
Ich bin so verliebt.

give me something to believe in

I miss him. My last someone who meant anything. How much meaning could be embodied by a person, it'd amaze you.



This song is everything I don't feel anymore. And in my sad moments, I think to myself, how could I... how could I...

But I did.

Last time, I could give a shit. There was reason to give a shit about anything. Now, what's the point of anything really.